WE'RE HAVING TWINS
So I've been pretty MIA over here on the blog. We have experienced some news that I never could have dreamed for our family. WE'RE HAVING TWINS! Twin BOYS!
Stephen and I started discussing the idea of having a third when Mack was around 4-5 months old. We wanted our kiddos to be close in age....knowing full well the challenges that come with that, but also the blessing of our family growing up very much together.
A 5 year wedding anniversary trip later... we discovered shortly after that we were expecting our third baby! We were SHOCKED with the news even though we had talked about it... and were very excited, yet very scared for the actual reality of having 3 kids under 3 years of age.
We headed to our first doctors appointment and ultrasound. We sat in the room with the ultrasound technician and my heart sank. The ultrasound didn't look normal, I couldn't make out the baby like I had seeing Mack and Cade. The tech asked if I was bleeding or cramping. My heart was racing thinking that this baby was no longer there. The tech switched the screen and went to the fetus number. He then clicked on it to change the number of fetus' which I thought was going to change to zero... but he changed it to TWO.
I looked at him in shock and at Stephen with questioning eyes. I said, "Are there TWO babies in there?" He laughed, "I can't tell you that."
I told him that I knew what a fetus was and I saw him change the number on the screen. He kept laughing and said, "Oh, you caught that?"
"UM YES I CAUGHT THAT!"
He knew full well we knew it was twins and without formally telling us he showed us the heartbeats. I cried and laughed and cried and shook and laughed and cried and looked at Stephen with despair.
Stephen, whom I thought was going to keel over and die, looked at me and said, "Kelly, God has this. He knew and planned this. He's got us."
Sigh of relief. Then panic again.
I know that. I know God is faithful. I know God planned this. But HOW. How am I going to raise FOUR babies? How are we going to pay for FOUR babies. What kind of car do we need to buy? Where will they all sleep? What will happen after Stephen goes back to work? I already ask so much of my family, now I am burdening them more. Are we foolish? Poor Mack, he's not even 6 months old, and will be just a year if we make it past 36 weeks... I stripped him of quality time with us as the baby. But Cade? He is now pushed into being the oldest brother of 3! Will he get enough quality time to thrive and learn? FOUR God? How do you even think we are capable of having FOUR babies?! Will I be able to carry them to 36-37 weeks? Will they be okay? How will I be able to raise FOUR at home? I will absolutely go insane. How will I be able to LEAVE THE HOUSE? It will take an hour to load them all into carseats. HOW DO I GO ON A WALK? The double stroller is already obnoxious enough and I've proven that I will absolutely lose at least one at the park each time.
If I thought I believed in God's faithfulness before, well... this is a true testament to me literally leaving my hands open to Him and knowing that He will be faithful. That yes, He will give me a lot more than I can handle, so that He can prove that He can handle it. That He planned it perfectly, so that Mack would not be alone as the older brother of twins so close to his age, but that he'd have an older brother close in age to him to play with while the twins are young. That God has always provided for us so generously, and will not fail us now. That we have the blessing of family so close to us that don't feel burdened by these babies, but share in the joy of the GIFT OF LIFE and are ready to help us tackle the crazy. That yes, our house and our hands and our cars and our home will be FULL... but FULL of God's blessings and FULL of joy. That God plugged us into potentially the most amazing community of believers and neighbors that love us, our children, and jump to help us so generously. That the Lord will sustain me as their mama, and that I have no choice but to look to Him for the strength and ability to raise these children to glorify and honor Him. That strollers are made to have a skateboard attached to the back and they make baby carriers so I'll be able to take them on walks but not look like I own a daycare. That the Lord has got ALL THE DETAILS.
I need not 'be anxious about anything, but in everything, with thanksgiving, let my requests be made known to the Lord. ' So God, THANK YOU... thank you for these tiny blessings in my belly that were still there today when we had our ultrasound. Thank you that you are growing our family FULL of life. Thank you that you are providing, sustaining, strengthening and building our faith. Thank you that none of us will receive the glory for any good that comes... but that YOU will because it is impossible without you. Thank you that you have put friends, family and loved ones into our path to come alongside to share in the joy of these babies and also share in the care of them. Thank you that you gave me a husband whose faith is unwavering and points me and our family to your truths. Thank you for the twin mama's that you've already placed in my path that have encouraged me in this scary journey.
And Father, you know my requests... there are too many to count... but let your will be done.
So there it is folks. That is the stuff that has been consuming my thoughts that has taken away from any other blogpost I could muster up writing. There was nothing I felt I could share other than what I was truly feeling, and it didn't feel right to share until now. It's been a wild 7 weeks since we found out the news. An emotional roller coaster along with physical fatigue beyond comprehension... but I am coming out of the fog and have the joy of sharing this crazy journey with you.
Stay tuned for more on these sweet babies and their sweet older brothers.